armed

I wonder how the moment
what it felt like at the start
as finger to the trigger
he pulled life itself apart.

I wonder if it thrilled him
(we agree it was a he, right?)
if he shivered at the sight
not from cold but flames within

or maybe was his heart stilled
mouth a-twist in mixed emotion
holding destruction distillation
forever splitting killers and the killed?

There was not yet any context, no perceptions to reverse.
No Tarantino movies, Columbines, or Call of Duties.
Just a single man and his gun, only one, the very first
and I wonder if he thought he'd made a gift
or made a curse.